kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize