if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
