No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
