I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
