I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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