So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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