it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
