I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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