What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just want to make out with him forever
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
