Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
