Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
