I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
