We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
