Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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