I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize