If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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