I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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