I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
