I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
