nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
