and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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