She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
