It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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