I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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