There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
