If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
