i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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