I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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