And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
