my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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