Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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