I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
