you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
