Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she peed on how many people?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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