bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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