I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
