So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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