Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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