i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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