Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize