I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
