There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
