I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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