you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
