So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
