That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
