bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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