Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize