Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
