Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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