I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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