if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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