I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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