the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
