I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just had sex on a roof
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
