i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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