You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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