remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
