Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i think im in europe. pls send help
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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