just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
