Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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