Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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