Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
