should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
