The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sorry about my life...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
