Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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