Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
