just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
