Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize