please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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