Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
