Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
