i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
