If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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