Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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