tell your sister to shave her snatch
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
