dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize