I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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