omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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