3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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