took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You took a bar mat shot.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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