Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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