cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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