Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
