My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
