fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
