dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
