the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
